Column: Online dating after 50? Here’s a first important tip — get realistic about your age

I STARTED ONLINE DATING just before I qualified for the senior discount at Denny’s.

I’ve since used that discount and became a member of AARP (many discounts exist once you’re 55 but remember to ask — employees won’t offer because they don’t want you attacking them and breaking your hip for saying you look over 55).

At 57 and still mostly single, I date online because I don’t go to bars, rarely go to clubs, and work from home (I met my first wife at a newspaper at which we worked; newsrooms used to be notorious for generating same-career pairings).

The pandemic threw a serious wrench in people’s social lives — mine included. So, in my 50s, I started online dating with mixed results. I’ve made some good friends. I did get involved with some people — one was a serious candidate until she had to go back to South America (probably didn’t think that one through.) I’ve also had dry spells and quit sites in frustration, then gone back. It’s a crapshoot, and the odds feel longer the older I get.

But the good news is there’s no shortage of people in their middle-to-older years looking for someone to love. More people are dating online than ever, if dating site revenue is an accurate gauge.

I remember my grandparents being my age. I never imagined them, or people their age, dating or doing anything romantic. It was waaaay too bizarre. Even now, nobody wants to picture what happens in new, late-middle age to senior romances. Except, of course, those of us now at that age.

I grew up believing you met and married relatively young, then stayed together, ripening like fruit and arguing about what to have for dinner until one of you bolts for the great beyond. The survivor then takes up hobbies, slips the grandchildren money on the sly, and pays way too much attention to TV news weather reporting.

Times have changed, dramatically and for the better.

I was in denial at first. My stated preferred age range in potential partners was a few years (OK, a decade) younger than me to a couple years older. Time marched on, and the age range crept into the 60s. I then realized something critical to my future success as a swinging middle-aged bachelor: I’m getting older.

Swiping right

Then a 71-year-old woman swiped right on my profile. I yelped out loud (which was embarrassing, since I was at the gym, fighting my heroic daily battle against the inevitable).

A 71-year-old woman considered me as a possible partner? Not that 71 is ancient, but am I older than I think? I’m not sure when that happened, though I should’ve noticed the signs (not being able to read menus anymore, pulling muscles watching TV, putting up multiple bird feeders, etc.)

Lately online dating hasn’t been as fruitful. So, I looked at my birth certificate, changed my age preferences, and took a nap … because all the existential musing gets exhausting.

Maybe the problem was believing mainstream dating sites were still right for me instead of for people 30 years younger. The next step was getting off Bumble, a fairly popular dating site for people who apparently aren’t me.

Ten best dating sites for older folks

I recently saw the Forbes Health editorial team analyzed data on dozens of dating sites for older people and came up with the 10 best, based on membership price, comprehensive questionnaires, how matches are suggested, communication options and more.

They liked eHarmony, DateMyAge, Match.com, Dating.com, OurTime, Zoosk, EliteSingles, SilverSingles, Tawkify, and Christian Mingle.

Neither of the sites I used made the list. Which obviously means the lack of women stampeding to match with me wasn’t my fault.

Forbes made good points. Privacy and data protection is important on sites geared toward older people, who are natural targets for predators. Before signing up on a reputable site, look for terms in the agreement like “encryption,” “scam detection,” and “sex offender checks.” You can always check with the Better Business Bureau.

Don’t put too many personal details in your profile and, once you start matching, be careful about revealing too much. Keep a clear record of your communications and consider using an alias until you’re comfortable. Tell family or friends where and when you meet in person and always meet in public. And never, ever send anyone money or gift cards.

And don’t forget to ask about senior discounts on your first date.

What does a longer lifespan mean to you? Two talented columnists tag-team every Friday to tackle the challenges that inform your choices — whether you’re pushing 17 or 70. Recent Stanford Center on Longevity Visiting Scholar Susan Nash looks at life experiences through an acerbic personal lens, while longtime writer and health reporter Tony Hicks takes the macro view to examine how society will change as the aging population grows ever larger. Check in every Friday to expand your vision of living the long game and send us your feedback, column suggestions and ideas for future coverage to newsroom@baycitynews.com.

The post Column: Online dating after 50? Here’s a first important tip — get realistic about your age appeared first on Local News Matters.